Saturday, December 19, 2015

That Phrase

I keep seeing and hearing this quote these past few days and it have to mean something right? I've been a little down these past few months or for years if I would get real to myself. I know that I've talked and written about this before that everything happens for a reason and why I need to experience some things. But writing that is somewhat justifying my circumstances before. I feel that I've hit rock bottom and that I'm experiencing what they call a midlife crisis. Nothing really unfortunate happens to me but its more on battling with my insecurities and fears. I really have a difficulty rising from this pit and conquering myself. I tried to be positive about it but there are really times that my brains will just get into the gutter and exposed myself again to those endless garbage self talks. But this time, reading this gives me more of a positive feeling.It gives me a certain calmness that I am really where I should be at the moment. I need to be here to learn things. For me to be stronger, to be more confident and to be a better person.  I know that God only wants me to be the best. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that my potentials are infinite. I am sure that I just need to go through this phrase for me to realize all these and If I'll be able to win this battle then I know that I would be unstoppable.

Why did you wake up this morning?

Remember the tagline from a famous coffee advertisement before? "Para kanino ka bumabangon?" Yes dude, What's your purpose? What keeps you going?

I guess not defining our purpose in life is like driving without having any destination in mind. Its like living life just for the sake of living and you just need to go through it because ending it will just be plain cowardice and a sure way ticket to hell.

I haven't take time before to seriously ponder on this question. I mean what for? But right now, I think this is the same reason I'm so clueless with my life-that I'm not really excited waking up each day and just wish that I'll just stay in bed for the whole day. But what do I really want to happen in my life? Why do I need to pursue my dreams? What would I want my legacy into this world? So here it goes.

1. For my family. I think all of us just want the best for our family. Who wouldn't want to give his family a good life. We all want that right? We all want our love ones to live a comfortable or even a luxurious life. We want want them to take that grand vacation, go to the best schools and for them to have and experience all those ingenious and state of the art gadgets offered on today's market.

2. Financial Security. I'm a taurus so that explains it. It's in my nature to surround myself with material pleasures. I want to travel to a lot of places, especially to Japan, Korea, USA, Maldives, Bali and a lot more. I also want to buy anything that I want. To wear those fashionable clothes I've been coveting in tumblr, pinterest and other sites on social media. I want to FINANCIAL FREEDOM.

3. Future Family. Contrary to what other people believe, I also want a family in the future. And just like anybody else, I don't want us to struggle or lack of anything.

4. For other people. I really want to make a dent into this world. I want to do something for everyone. I want to be an inspiration. I want to be a blessing to people that I have a chance to meet in this life. I want to send children to school. I want to provide jobs to the community and I want others to learn from me.

I hope that these would give me enough fire to go for everything and I hope that I would be able to achieve everything that I've written here in the future. With the help of our Almighty Father.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

photos not mine.

The Start of Something New

   Well I guess I have been slowly dying for five years now. Having no sense of purpose makes me procrastinate and make me so insecure than ever before. But now, I realized that I need to make a change or I'll still be the same person and still be ranting the same thing a year from now. I know that from my previous posts, I have made a lot of promises but sad to say they were all in vain. A lot of my pains, fears and insecurities have been rooted since childhood. There's no sense in blaming anyone and what I need is to take control of my life. I haven't been able to overcome my fears but I know that I just need to be brave and believe in myself that I have what it takes.

Saturday, July 4, 2015


We all have our dreams, our ambitions and aspirations..So with God's help, everything will be given to me  in the future.

Dream House

I just want to say thank you

A lot of times I've hurt you.
A lot of times, I've disappointed you.
A lot of times, I blamed you.
A lot of times, I questioned you.
A lot of times, I don't follow nor heed you.
A lot of times, I forsaken you.
But never in these times did you ever leave my side. 
Lord, thank you for always being there. For constantly working in me.For showing me that I am so much loved.Thank you that even most of the times I've doubted your presence and my faith wavered, never once you abandoned me. Never did you lead me astray. You always called me back and you show yourself and let me feel your presence in so many ways. Thank you for you continue to work in me even though, I'm so hardheaded and stubborn. Thank you for making me realized my mistakes and for telling me that your are indeed in control of my life. Thank you very much Lord. Daghan kaayong salamat.

Monday, May 4, 2015

In Turmoil

A lot of you are asking why? I have also asked myself the same question.
A lot of you think that I'm crazy, I'm stupid and I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.
A lot of you tells me, "its a dream job", "it's an offer of a lifetime", "grab it, opportunity seldom knocks" and a lot more.

All I can say is that, I'm not really happy. Sure thing that this job offers security but would I really subject myself to staying, be secured even though I detest it? To tell you honestly, I'm also scared, very very scared. That what if, after this, I have nowhere to go?What if its another failure? What if I really made the biggest mistake of my life by resigning, and what if I'll be jobless again?

I have lot of things going in my mind. Then there's some advice from those people around me telling me to take the job for I'm not getting any younger anymore and my chances in the job market are getting slim.

However, As I have been thinking, I haven't seen myself growing in this job. I think I have been more cynical than ever. I have been more judgmental. And slowly, what seems to be taboo for me before, is slowly becoming acceptable.

I don't know if my decision is right or wrong but I just listen to what my heart is telling me. I'm making the leap of faith and I'm hoping that God is the one who is in control and its not just me rebelling and being obstinate.

<3 Lord, help me please. Take control and steer me in the direction where I can glorify your name more. Amen.  <3

Thursday, January 15, 2015


      You know that feeling that you are not really happy with your life? That you think that you are merely existing and not living? That your doubting of whether you really have any purpose in this world? That feeling that you have this big and wonderful dreams however you think that your are not exactly going in  that direction and it seems very far off? That feeling that you are not happy with your job and your guilty because you know that you should be grateful because you have one and you are really not? That feeling that when you choose to resign, you will be in everyone's beck and call again?That feeling that sometimes you just wish to die but then you're afraid cause it might be a painful death? That feeling that you don't really have a clue of what to do with your life? and no matter how much you try, these nagging and awful feelings just keep coming back to hunt you down.
       I don't want to stay like this. I want to be a better person. I want to be the best of what I can be. I want to give my family a comfortable life. I want to try and experience a lot of things. I want to travel around the globe. I want to help others and make a dent into this world. I want to give, give and give. I want to provide houses, jobs and livelihood to other people. I want to make a change but I just don't know how. :(

Wednesday, January 7, 2015