photos not mine.

The Start of Something New

   Well I guess I have been slowly dying for five years now. Having no sense of purpose makes me procrastinate and make me so insecure than ever before. But now, I realized that I need to make a change or I'll still be the same person and still be ranting the same thing a year from now. I know that from my previous posts, I have made a lot of promises but sad to say they were all in vain. A lot of my pains, fears and insecurities have been rooted since childhood. There's no sense in blaming anyone and what I need is to take control of my life. I haven't been able to overcome my fears but I know that I just need to be brave and believe in myself that I have what it takes.

DREAMBOARD

We all have our dreams, our ambitions and aspirations..So with God's help, everything will be given to me  in the future.

Dream House

I just want to say thank you

A lot of times I've hurt you.

A lot of times, I've disappointed you.

A lot of times, I blamed you.

A lot of times, I questioned you.

A lot of times, I don't follow nor heed you.

A lot of times, I forsaken you.

But never in these times did you ever leave my side. 

Lord, thank you for always being there. For constantly working in me.For showing me that I am so much loved.Thank you that even most of the times I've doubted your presence and my faith wavered, never once you abandoned me. Never did you lead me astray. You always called me back and you show yourself and let me feel your presence in so many ways. Thank you for you continue to work in me even though, I'm so hardheaded and stubborn. Thank you for making me realized my mistakes and for telling me that your are indeed in control of my life. Thank you very much Lord. Daghan kaayong salamat.

In Turmoil

A lot of you are asking why? I have also asked myself the same question.
A lot of you think that I'm crazy, I'm stupid and I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.
A lot of you tells me, "its a dream job", "it's an offer of a lifetime", "grab it, opportunity seldom knocks" and a lot more.

All I can say is that, I'm not really happy. Sure thing that this job offers security but would I really subject myself to staying, be secured even though I detest it? To tell you honestly, I'm also scared, very very scared. That what if, after this, I have nowhere to go?What if its another failure? What if I really made the biggest mistake of my life by resigning, and what if I'll be jobless again?

I have lot of things going in my mind. Then there's some advice from those people around me telling me to take the job for I'm not getting any younger anymore and my chances in the job market are getting slim.

However, As I have been thinking, I haven't seen myself growing in this job. I think I have been more cynical than ever. I have been more judgmental. And slowly, what seems to be taboo for me before, is slowly becoming acceptable.

I don't know if my decision is right or wrong but I just listen to what my heart is telling me. I'm making the leap of faith and I'm hoping that God is the one who is in control and its not just me rebelling and being obstinate.

<3 Lord, help me please. Take control and steer me in the direction where I can glorify your name more. Amen.  <3

THAT FEELING...

      You know that feeling that you are not really happy with your life? That you think that you are merely existing and not living? That your doubting of whether you really have any purpose in this world? That feeling that you have this big and wonderful dreams however you think that your are not exactly going in  that direction and it seems very far off? That feeling that you are not happy with your job and your guilty because you know that you should be grateful because you have one and you are really not? That feeling that when you choose to resign, you will be in everyone's beck and call again?That feeling that sometimes you just wish to die but then you're afraid cause it might be a painful death? That feeling that you don't really have a clue of what to do with your life? and no matter how much you try, these nagging and awful feelings just keep coming back to hunt you down.
       I don't want to stay like this. I want to be a better person. I want to be the best of what I can be. I want to give my family a comfortable life. I want to try and experience a lot of things. I want to travel around the globe. I want to help others and make a dent into this world. I want to give, give and give. I want to provide houses, jobs and livelihood to other people. I want to make a change but I just don't know how. :(

2015 WILL BE MY GREATEST YEAR EVER! THANK YOU LORD! :)