That Phrase

I keep seeing and hearing this quote these past few days and it have to mean something right? I've been a little down these past few months or for years if I would get real to myself. I know that I've talked and written about this before that everything happens for a reason and why I need to experience some things. But writing that is somewhat justifying my circumstances before. I feel that I've hit rock bottom and that I'm experiencing what they call a midlife crisis. Nothing really unfortunate happens to me but its more on battling with my insecurities and fears. I really have a difficulty rising from this pit and conquering myself. I tried to be positive about it but there are really times that my brains will just get into the gutter and exposed myself again to those endless garbage self talks. But this time, reading this gives me more of a positive feeling.It gives me a certain calmness that I am really where I should be at the moment. I need to be here to learn things. For me to be stronger, to be more confident and to be a better person.  I know that God only wants me to be the best. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that my potentials are infinite. I am sure that I just need to go through this phrase for me to realize all these and If I'll be able to win this battle then I know that I would be unstoppable.

Why did you wake up this morning?

Remember the tagline from a famous coffee advertisement before? "Para kanino ka bumabangon?" Yes dude, What's your purpose? What keeps you going?

I guess not defining our purpose in life is like driving without having any destination in mind. Its like living life just for the sake of living and you just need to go through it because ending it will just be plain cowardice and a sure way ticket to hell.

I haven't take time before to seriously ponder on this question. I mean what for? But right now, I think this is the same reason I'm so clueless with my life-that I'm not really excited waking up each day and just wish that I'll just stay in bed for the whole day. But what do I really want to happen in my life? Why do I need to pursue my dreams? What would I want my legacy into this world? So here it goes.

1. For my family. I think all of us just want the best for our family. Who wouldn't want to give his family a good life. We all want that right? We all want our love ones to live a comfortable or even a luxurious life. We want want them to take that grand vacation, go to the best schools and for them to have and experience all those ingenious and state of the art gadgets offered on today's market.

2. Financial Security. I'm a taurus so that explains it. It's in my nature to surround myself with material pleasures. I want to travel to a lot of places, especially to Japan, Korea, USA, Maldives, Bali and a lot more. I also want to buy anything that I want. To wear those fashionable clothes I've been coveting in tumblr, pinterest and other sites on social media. I want to FINANCIAL FREEDOM.

3. Future Family. Contrary to what other people believe, I also want a family in the future. And just like anybody else, I don't want us to struggle or lack of anything.

4. For other people. I really want to make a dent into this world. I want to do something for everyone. I want to be an inspiration. I want to be a blessing to people that I have a chance to meet in this life. I want to send children to school. I want to provide jobs to the community and I want others to learn from me.

I hope that these would give me enough fire to go for everything and I hope that I would be able to achieve everything that I've written here in the future. With the help of our Almighty Father.

photos not mine.

The Start of Something New

   Well I guess I have been slowly dying for five years now. Having no sense of purpose makes me procrastinate and make me so insecure than ever before. But now, I realized that I need to make a change or I'll still be the same person and still be ranting the same thing a year from now. I know that from my previous posts, I have made a lot of promises but sad to say they were all in vain. A lot of my pains, fears and insecurities have been rooted since childhood. There's no sense in blaming anyone and what I need is to take control of my life. I haven't been able to overcome my fears but I know that I just need to be brave and believe in myself that I have what it takes.

DREAMBOARD

We all have our dreams, our ambitions and aspirations..So with God's help, everything will be given to me  in the future.

Dream House

I just want to say thank you

A lot of times I've hurt you.

A lot of times, I've disappointed you.

A lot of times, I blamed you.

A lot of times, I questioned you.

A lot of times, I don't follow nor heed you.

A lot of times, I forsaken you.

But never in these times did you ever leave my side. 

Lord, thank you for always being there. For constantly working in me.For showing me that I am so much loved.Thank you that even most of the times I've doubted your presence and my faith wavered, never once you abandoned me. Never did you lead me astray. You always called me back and you show yourself and let me feel your presence in so many ways. Thank you for you continue to work in me even though, I'm so hardheaded and stubborn. Thank you for making me realized my mistakes and for telling me that your are indeed in control of my life. Thank you very much Lord. Daghan kaayong salamat.

In Turmoil

A lot of you are asking why? I have also asked myself the same question.
A lot of you think that I'm crazy, I'm stupid and I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.
A lot of you tells me, "its a dream job", "it's an offer of a lifetime", "grab it, opportunity seldom knocks" and a lot more.

All I can say is that, I'm not really happy. Sure thing that this job offers security but would I really subject myself to staying, be secured even though I detest it? To tell you honestly, I'm also scared, very very scared. That what if, after this, I have nowhere to go?What if its another failure? What if I really made the biggest mistake of my life by resigning, and what if I'll be jobless again?

I have lot of things going in my mind. Then there's some advice from those people around me telling me to take the job for I'm not getting any younger anymore and my chances in the job market are getting slim.

However, As I have been thinking, I haven't seen myself growing in this job. I think I have been more cynical than ever. I have been more judgmental. And slowly, what seems to be taboo for me before, is slowly becoming acceptable.

I don't know if my decision is right or wrong but I just listen to what my heart is telling me. I'm making the leap of faith and I'm hoping that God is the one who is in control and its not just me rebelling and being obstinate.

<3 Lord, help me please. Take control and steer me in the direction where I can glorify your name more. Amen.  <3

THAT FEELING...

      You know that feeling that you are not really happy with your life? That you think that you are merely existing and not living? That your doubting of whether you really have any purpose in this world? That feeling that you have this big and wonderful dreams however you think that your are not exactly going in  that direction and it seems very far off? That feeling that you are not happy with your job and your guilty because you know that you should be grateful because you have one and you are really not? That feeling that when you choose to resign, you will be in everyone's beck and call again?That feeling that sometimes you just wish to die but then you're afraid cause it might be a painful death? That feeling that you don't really have a clue of what to do with your life? and no matter how much you try, these nagging and awful feelings just keep coming back to hunt you down.
       I don't want to stay like this. I want to be a better person. I want to be the best of what I can be. I want to give my family a comfortable life. I want to try and experience a lot of things. I want to travel around the globe. I want to help others and make a dent into this world. I want to give, give and give. I want to provide houses, jobs and livelihood to other people. I want to make a change but I just don't know how. :(

2015 WILL BE MY GREATEST YEAR EVER! THANK YOU LORD! :)

New Year! New Life!

I'm starting my resolutions again. I can't say that I have stick with it all year round but atleast I have started a little of this and that. I don't want to be hard on myself at this time and I want to congratulate and be happy of my little achievements. So, I'm rewriting my promises for this coming year and I hope that this time, I'll be at the top of my game. I hope to God.

1. Be positive
2. Read good books. Lessen the romance girl!3. Be THANKFUL.
4. EXERCISE more.5. Learn a New Skill or take a course.
6. Save and Invest.7. Lessen Facebook more.
8. Be PRODUCTIVE.
9. Cut the bad foods.
10. Be a blessing and a gift to other people.
11. TRAVEL a lot!
12. Be generous.
13. Be brave and be a risk taker.
14. Win millions.
15. Learn a New Language.
16. Practice Yoga.
17. Be in LOve.

2015! PLEASE BE GOOD TO ME! LORD PLEASE!

DREAM

Dream like you've never dreamed before! Dream like all your dreams will come true. DREAM! DREAM MORE! and DREAM  BEST!

All I want for Xmas

Santa Dearest,
             I know that I haven't been very nice this year and I have been a little bit naughty but I hope that you'll help me with my wish. I hope that I'll be your partner in bringing happiness to those people around me. I do hope I'll be able to give gifts to my family, friends and especially those little adorable kiddos. I don't know if my money is enough to make this happen but I am praying for some miracles. I hope that God will multiply what I have just like what he did to those loaves and fish. Santa, I'm praying and wishing for some supernatural phenomenon and I'll find a pot of gold in our backyard tomorrow morning. Hehehe. But seriously, please help me. PRETTY PLEASE! :)

Israel, here I come!

I declare it! I claim it! I will be joining with Bro. Bro on a holy pilgrimage to Israel this February 10, 2015. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you Lord!

that direction ->

Its definitely time for change. I know I've been speaking about it for a very long time but I guess this time, I need to be true to my word. Honestly, until this time, I haven't have any clue how to change my life. I want to be financially free... I want to be mature...I want to be successful...but it seems that my future is a little bit blurry. However, I think I need to change my inner self. It's time to let go of the remnants of my negativity. I think I'm regressing back to my old self. Frustration and self pity is eating my spirit again.
 Lord, please help me to change my life. I know I haven't been good lately. I have take my worldly and sinful self to take over. Lord, PLEASE HELP ME..PLEASEEE

        Call it intuition  or simply paranoia but I have a feeling that something big will happen this year. I hope that its the breakthrough that I've been waiting for. However, I'm determined this time to make a jump start in all aspects of my life. Year 2013 had been a rock hill journey. Disappointments, pains, failures and dissatisfaction shadows me all year round. But as they've said, everything happens for a reason and I hope I have learned my lessons very well. This year, I want to make changes in my life. I don't want to be the same person anymore. I want to GROW and I want to LEARN. Make this 2014 be a stellar year for me. Help me please O Lord.

            So sad that none of my new year's resolution had been realized. I had the kicked off for the first few months but during the last quarter, all of my goals just went to the drain. Hayyy, so much of my self discipline, so today I'm starting my resolutions again. I hope at the end of the year, I will end up being victorious. So what are my goals? **Drum roll insert here**. Here are the list.
1. Be positive.
2. Save
3. Exercise. Abs please.
4. Learn New Things.
5. Lessen Facebooking.
6. Be productive.
7. Cut the sugar intake especially coke.
8. Be a blessing and a gift to other people.
9. Travel

                Today I found out that I have been totally selfish. I was only thinking of my own self. I keep wishing to be rich for all the wrong reasons so I guess that's why none of my plans work to get me into this direction. I have longed for things that are not really important and I keep comparing other people's wondrous life to mine. I  was so busy being conscious of what I don't have in life and I keep looking for what's lacking that I was not aware that I was drowning myself to the sea of hopelessness and bitterness. And I realized that when you dwell so much on negativity, you will no longer see how wonderful life can be. Instead of focusing on the beautiful things, you tend to find fault in everything-it might be a situation or a person.
                 But today, I challenged myself to have a better perspective and to see the goodness and beauty of every God's creation. I promised to strive to work hard and to be productive so sooner I can help uplift the lives of others and the life of my family. I will strive to speak good and kind words and to make an effort to bring smile to those who are around me.

           It took me a long time to realize that only I can help myself. These past few
years, I have been deluding myself that everything will just come easy for me- that everything will be served in a silver platter and I will just come to the dinner table and have my fill. But life doesn't really work like that. And that where I got the biggest mistake of my life. Don't take me wrong but I also have my share of hardwork and perseverance when it comes to achieving my dreams but I guess I haven't try very hard and my efforts are just insufficient.

           So this is a catalyst for a new me and a brighter tomorrow. This is a covenant for me to make a halt on everything that makes me miserable. Indeed ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Enough thinking of the "what could have been" and stop thinking of the "what ifs".
Enough of my procrastination.
Enough of my self doubt.
Enough of trying to please everybody.
Enough thinking of all my worries and fears. 
Enough selling myself short.
Enough of stagnating my mind with garbage thoughts which just make me feel inadequate.
Enough comparing notes between my life and others.
Enough of being envious of other people's opulent life. and coveting things which I don't have.
 
           These things had been slowly killing my relationship with my family, my friends, with other people and mostly with my own self.  I had already a long period of hibernation and I think its now time to get back on the world of the living. And I will come with a vengeance and not will I only bounce back but I promise to bounce back higher. I promise  that from  now on, I will not let fear and self doubt to  cripple me. I pledge allegiance to my faith in God and faith with myself that I can surpass the insurmountable mountains and I will not stop until I have reached the top of the hill. And now begins my odyssey. <3

TRASH NEGATIVITY

                 These past few years, I think I have dealt so much on the not-so good things that happened into my life that I have begun to be sucked up into the black hole of negativity. I have fallen into the pit of self doubt, I have wallow in self pity, I have judged and blamed my decisions and most of all I have questioned my faith for my miserable circumstance.
                  But praise God because I was able to surpass that rotten state so to celebrate I want to reiterate and highlight the good points of why I am exactly where I am right now:

• I was able to build a deeper and meaningful relationship with our Heavenly Father.
• I was able to spend time with my family and friends.
• I was able to read and surf and in doing so, I have learned a lot.
• I have now a much nicer body than before (chos!pero I think so) :)
• I discover what I want in life.
• I have met new friends.
• I was able to learn a new language. (in the process still but I already grasp a few)
• I now have financial literacy.
• I was able to go and explore beautiful places like Dipolog, Bohol, Camiguin, Banaue and counting. :)

                Indeed, focusing too much on unpleasant things will not only hurt you and other people but it will also broke your soul and injured your spirit. So ditch out those negativity and let the sunshine of optimism dominates our whole being.